how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize