uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
