i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
