I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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