it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize