i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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