So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
