just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
