I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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