i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
