I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
