Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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