I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
