Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
