there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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