i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
