ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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