My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
