got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
