really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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