what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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