you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
