Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
