tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
