if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize