Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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