I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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