Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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