Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
