Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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