she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
