hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
