Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
