A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
