So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We have started to decorate penises.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
