The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Four minutes until I can fart!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
