You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
