I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
