she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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