I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
