My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
be right there i have to get my cape
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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