you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
