If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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