I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
