dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She announced her abortion via fbk
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
