Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm just crazy horny about you
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
