So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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