so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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