your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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