my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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