I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
