I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
