How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
