I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
