i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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