My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
