I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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