oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
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He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
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Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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