Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I am one with the molecules
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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