I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
