Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
