oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
