I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
