Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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