All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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