4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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