Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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