he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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