somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
