A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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