I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
