their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
