DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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