On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize