just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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