Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
