You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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